Oliver saves the nativity!

William is getting really excited now about Oliver's arrival. We're talking about how life will be with Oliver as much as we can and I'm about to challenge my limited artistic ability by writing a series of social stories to help William learn, adjust and prepare for his role in Oliver's training, as well as how to look after and play with Oliver safely.

We had another lovely moment today shows the impact Oliver is already having on William's confidence and willingness to push his comfort zones. Last year, William had a singing solo in his school nativity play. It was going to be one of those magical moments, not least because it was his first year home from hospital and enjoying preparations for Christmas. Sadly, the snow fell and the nativity was cancelled. William sang his song at a talent show and everyone was amazed at his confidence and beautiful singing. The children are preparing to do the nativity they missed last year and the staff were keen for William to do his song again. William was refusing to do it again which didn't surprise me as the loss of his early childhood inhibitions seems to be causing him more anxiety in social situations. When we visited Oliver on Saturday, William made up a song about him and Oliver sat at his feet when he sang it. Over the weekend, we talked about how much Oliver loves to hear him sing and William went into school today announcing that he will be singing after all because Oliver wants him to!

While William was practising his song, I received delivery of Oliver's crate. Sorry about the quality of today's picture. It was just one of those moments and all I had was my phone (in poor light). Wills was keen to test it out and gave it his seal of approval, even before we'd added any blankets. I have a huge stock of food coming tomorrow (due to a buy one get one free offer of the puppy complete mix he's on with his breeder), together with bowls and grooming kit. We're there. We have all we need. All we're waiting for now is for Oliver to finish his vaccinations at 10 weeks and for William's downstairs bedroom to be finished and, thankfully, both are happening at around the same time, at the start of the second week in December.

Two little bundles of wriggles

Wow, I have my work cut out! We went to visit Oliver today. He's now seven weeks old and a little bundle of energy and wriggles. His personality is really coming out and he's inquisitive and bright which should help his training - if I can keep him still long enough! I'm sure the doggy treats will help and he does love play time so that will be a great reward. Wills had a lot more confidence with Oliver today and said he liked him jumping up at him (something we need to train out if he's going to make the grade as an
assist dog! My biggest challenge is going to be the fact that, right now, William and Oliver are two little boys who just want to play. Playing together will be great in helping them to bond but it will have to be something done in reward for a little bit of work too. I recently had a very interesting and important conversation with someone about training Oliver through young puppy stage and the central thing for him and William to succeed as a partnership is that Oliver has to be closest to William, there needs to be a special bond and he has to take the commands from him. The closeness I can see already. Oliver certainly responded well to Wills today, especially when he sang to him (with a bug stuck on his nose - singing and silly faces, two big ticks on the socialisation list). I can see I'm going to have to be creative in finding ways to engage the boys in training together, although I know the reward of having Oliver do what he is asking and be able to give him treats will be reward enough for William and I hope seeing his little master so pleased with him will be reward enough for Oliver. The story wouldn't be so interesting if both of them were completely docile and complacent. What I have here are two little bundles of wriggles, both of them intelligent enough and tuned together enough to succeed very well with the training but both of them spirited and playful enough to mean there will be some tough times ahead. It will certainly make this story more entertaining. I can't wait to get Oliver home and get started.

Sensations and Socialisations

Sensations and Socialisations - the two words dominating my thinking this afternoon.

On Wednesday, I went to William's parent's evening. For a child in special needs school, this is an especially important and interesting evening. Where many parent's evenings see you catching teachers for five minutes if you're lucky and usually being unable to get anywhere close to the one you really need to see, William's evenings give the opportunity for parents to sit down with all the therapists involved in their children's care and education and to meet with the staff you so rarely see when your child is picked up by the school bus in the morning and delivered home at the end of the day. William's health is now stable (most of the time) after his small bowel transplant which allows us to be able to focus our attention more on the therapies that were left to the side when keeping him alive was the priority. All William's therapists were thrilled about Oliver. We are aiming to train Oliver to be able to support William's asperger's and physical disabilities and his physio and occupational therapists were very excited to hear of our plans.

William is non too keen of his physio exercises but they are getting increasingly important as he grows. William has mild cerebral palsy but the impact can be greater as the child grows and this seems to be the case with Wills. His leg muscles are tight, giving him the label 'spastic diplegia' but his trunk is very loose and unstable. One side of William's body is stronger than the other and all of these things give him a very amusing 'amble' as he throws his body from side to side to walk. This is very exhausting for him so he uses a wheelchair to cover any distance but, without his physio, his legs would tighten more and his spine will curve more, making it impossible for him to walk at all in the future. I'll be looking for ways to include Oliver in William's physio sessions and to base some of their play sessions around some of his exercises. For example, William hates any activity aimed at helping his fine motor control as he hates doing things that he find difficult. I think he will enjoy stuffing a chew toy with dog treats for Oliver though!

One of my most interesting conversations at the parent's evening was with the occupational therapist (OT) about William's 'sensory diet'. William has big problems with sensory stimulation. It is common in all forms of autism and affects William very strongly. It's not as simple as a sensation being perceived much more or less than we would do so. William actually experiences his sensual experiences in a way that is completely different than we would. He describes reflections of light on a shiny surface as being sharp and hurting! I read of another child saying looking into his eyes burned the back of his head. William is aversive to things such as bright lights, loud noise and wet textures but seeks out movement. The OT explained to me that his brain can't co-ordinate his sensual experiences and he has to seek ways of lessening those he over perceives and increasing his experience of things his brain needs more of. He can't keep still. He wriggles when he has to sit for more than a few seconds and will often spin around or run incessantly up and down a room from wall to wall. All of this looks somewhat odd to others and distracts him from things he should be doing put there are strategies he can use. William is getting a textured cushion to enable him to rock his bottom while sitting doing his activities and I've been advised to get him a trampoline (with a handle!) as a good bounce should then enable him to relax while we do something together. Basically, we need to watch what William seeks and avoids and find ways of heightening the sensual experiences he craves and lessening those he is averse to.

Maximising positive sensory experiences for Oliver is the aim of the game of socialisation. Up to the age of fourteen months, puppies are like a sponge, soaking up new experiences. After that, it takes them longer to get used to situations they're not used to. Oliver went to the vets yesterday for his first vaccination and to receive a glowing health report. Because William is immunosuppressed after transplant, our fantastic breeder is giving Oliver his puppy vaccinations before he comes to us in case there is a risk of infection. Oliver's next jab is on December 9th, when he'll be 10 weeks old. We'll take him home as soon as we can after then but this will mean I only have four weeks left to socialise him into all the situations we'll want him to go into with William while he is the most receptive to them. To focus me, make some plans and to see if there are any situations on my list he'll find himself in at home with his breeder, I've been making a list. We have until the end of the first week of January to take Oliver to shopping centres, stations, school, church, on trains, buses, trams, tubes and to meet as many different people as possible in hats, masks, uniforms.....just as well we'll have the Christmas holidays and the rich variety of activities it offers to introduce Oliver to. One thing's for sure, sure Christmas will enable him to very quickly feel comfortable with over excitement, chaos, arguments, squeals, tears and those meltdowns and tantrums!

Discovering...

Ellie, William and I have just come home from a day at Discover Dogs Well, I say the three of us have just got home, William was picked up at lunch time by his Dad, much to Ellie and I's relief to be honest. He did really well coping with the crowds, and it was very busy! I kept telling him to keep thinking of Oliver when he felt stressed and remember that all the 'strangers' there love dogs and would love to talk to him about Oliver and their dogs. He was a lot better than he usually is in these kind of situations. In fact, even getting him into a big noisy exhibition hall, full of people, dogs milling around under strip lights was a huge achievement and he was happy to go in and look for things for Oliver.

Like many children on the autistic spectrum, William is fixed on a certain colour - in his case, orange. We had to stop when he spotted an orange bug, just a tiny little blob on a busy stand supporting greyhounds. It is more than just a favourite colour. William has a lot of issues with sensory perception. Certain sounds and textures cause him physical pain and he gets very distressed when faced with certain strong smells. The sensory aspect of his condition is something I think we've only scratched the surface off but I knew as soon as I said he could choose Oliver's collar, lead and harness they would be orange! Hope and Ellie are horrified that our golden retriever will go out in public in high vis! He certainly won't be missed. There was so many harnesses and colours to choose from and, in the end, we opted for a beautifully soft harness and collar from Xtra Dog He'll grow out of his harness within weeks so maybe we'll be able to convince William to choose a colour that better compliments his fur by the time he's ready for a more permanent one. We also found a fab (orange of course) lead from linky that has a soft foam handle for him to hold. We chose a harness for Oliver with two rings. The initial plan will be that I take a lead on the front and Wills has one on the back, loser than mine so I'm in charge but Wills is actively taking Oliver for a walk as well. William has mild cerebral palsy and can't walk far so he'll be doing it from his wheelchair most of the time.

The most moving moment of our day was the Remembrance Sunday minute's silence. Hearing the whole of the Earls Court Exhibition Centre in silence really bought tears to my eyes. My emotion was broken after about 30 seconds when William began to find the whole thing much too much and started shouting. Thankfully, we were in the middle of joining he and Ellie in the Young Kennel Club I was mortified enough but would have been even more so if we'd been near the wonderful Dogs for Heroes . Please do go and visit them and support them if you can. I was thankful to the YKC staff who amused William with some of the trinkets they were giving away with membership so I was able to restore my thoughts for all our amazing servicemen whilst Wills got some extra freebies.

During the day, I caught up with a couple of parents I've met through the twitterverse, both of whom have children with autism. Having a child with autism can feel so very isolating. I try and take Wills everywhere but it can be embarrassing and awkward when he is rude to people or has a melt down. I have many wonderful friends who constantly listen to me and support me when I'm struggling and I love and thank them for that but I so value meeting people who just know without me having to explain myself. It was fantastic to meet 'L' who I've been tweeting to a lot since we first visited Oliver. She's thinking about getting a dog for her gorgeous little boy, 'T' and they were there looking at the different breeds. That was my intention when I booked to go but we've moved on so fast with all of this since we first began to think about it. Sometimes, you just have a gut feeling about something and have to run with it. Although we met on twitter, L and I don't live so very far apart and I hope we'll meet up again soon to support each other and compare notes. We also met 'T', Mum to 'G' who has an assist dog from Support Dogs to help her cope with her autism. T has a lovely Golden Retriever as her own support dog too so has loads of experience about autism and dog training. We had a long chat during which I learned that Oliver can't walk for more than a few minutes at a time for the first few months but needs to be socialised to all the situations we want to take him into. Toni's advice was to carry him to places on my front in a rucksack. I'm learning just how like having a baby again this will be - I carried all my three on my front in baby slings! T also gave me some advice about playing with Oliver. Golden Retrievers have a genetic weakness in their hips and shoulders and, apparently, you have to be careful to prevent them straining themselves in the first year. Pouncing on balls and playing with tuggies is not advisable. Thankfully, the only two toys I'd bought before our discussion, a tennis ball thrower and a tuggy toy, had only cost me £1 each in a bargain basket!

Wills was looking increasingly agitated while I was talking to T so I was relieved to see it was time for his Dad to collect him. He managed well for the morning and had a few conversations with people about Oliver but Ellie and I were ready for some 'Wills free' shopping. We had three things left on our list; grooming brushes (which we never saw, although I'm sure they must have been there somewhere), a clicker, and, having learned what kind of entertainment and interaction Oliver would need at first, some problem solving and training toys. We walked past lots of stands but no-one seemed to have what I was looking for, until we found The Company of Animals They have a fantastic selection of toys and games. This is really important to me as an important reason for getting Oliver is to help William with his meltdowns, social interactions and to break his monotonous play. I spent a lot of money on the games and toys as they are as much for William, and the whole family, as for Oliver. Some of them will be delivered on Christmas Eve with tags 'to William and Oliver' I chose toys where William will be able to set up a game for Oliver to solve and find treats because I know he'll enjoy and be amused by watching Oliver try and fail and learn. As Oliver learns, we'll be able to buy more complicated puzzles for him to work out with Wills. It's all really exciting and I can't wait to get Oliver home and watch it all unfold. All we need now is his bed and crate and we're ready.

A new addition to the family

Welcome to my new blog. For a few years now, I've been keeping a blog all about our family's journey through William's transplant and recent diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. It's been a while since I updated that blog. I do aim to post some news on there from time to time but decided that one of the topics I'd be posting about is so big, exciting and potentially hilarious (in every sense of the word) that it deserved a blog all of it's own. 'Meltdowns, tantrums and a puppy' - what's that all about? Well, 'meltdown' is the term we give to William's behaviour when he can't cope in a situation and can't explain why or think what to do. It generally describes shouting, screaming, being very rude and hurtful (I have a hide where I once had soft skin), running in circles and being generally very stressed and upset. William is now six and still obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine and now also with disasters and Lord of the Rings. Tantrums, well Wills is good at these too but I'm referring to my two hormonal teenagers there - Hope (now 14) and Ellie (11). As for this very cute little puppy, he's called Oliver and is six weeks old (four weeks in the photos). William named him. Well, when I say William named him, what I mean is that 'Oliver' was the Thomas and Friends character name the girls could accept the best from a list that included 'Murdoch', 'Toad' and 'Duck'!

At the beginning of December, Oliver is coming home with us. I've never had a puppy before and I don't know anything about training them but, with the help and support of the charity, Dogs for the Disabled, I aim to train Oliver to be, not only a well behaved pet, but also a very special companion for William. Early research and anecdotal findings suggest that animals, dogs in particular because of their ability for training, can help children with autism, including Asperger's Syndrome, cope with the social world they find so difficult and stressful to live in. Not only do they become friends in themselves, they can also provide a focus for a human social interaction and having the dog with them can give the child confidence and a sense of security. Dogs can be trained to interrupt the repetitive and, at times, anxious and aggressive behaviours children with all forms of autism are often locked in and the child's willingness to interact and play with their dog brings a whole new way to play into their life. Like many families, we talk about walks in the woods and by the river throughout the seasons but so often don't get around to exploring . Well, now we've all agreed that we want to get out there with Oliver and 'hunter wellingtons' are on Hope and Ellie's Christmas lists (mine too although I think we'll be needing them before Santa delivers). I'm really looking forward to seeing how Oliver will enhance our family life and am hoping to see the miraculous impact in William that I've read about has happened with others.

We're very lucky. The wonderful Starlight Foundation have granted William's wish for a puppy (like Pippin on 'Come Outside - somewhat appropriate as we are hoping Oliver will encourage and help us all, especially William, to get out and explore). This means I was able to research and choose a breed that will be open to training and have the right temperament to be a fantastic family pet and, ultimately, work as an assist dog for William. As soon as the wish was promised, I began the search for our puppy. This took us on a late evening trip West to Thatcham, near Newbury, a journey that involved 3 trains and a tube and took William a long way from home way beyond bedtime. Under normal circumstances this would have been very stressful for William but going to choose a puppy was, in his words, "an adventure!" We have since visited Oliver and William enjoys looking at photos his breeder sends us between visits.

Already, I'm noticing a difference in William. Since his 'adventure' he has been more open to other trips out that conflict with the daily routine he finds so much security in. We were at our hospice, CHASE , the weekend after we chose Oliver. A lady came with a PAT dog. William is suspicious to the point of rudeness with strangers, especially women who remind him of the nurses who he associates with the stress of upsetting procedures in hospital. Therefore, I was amazed to find William sitting on the floor next to the dog and her owner, deep in conversation and introducing them to me as his 'new friends.' On Monday, we were travelling back from his annual post transplant 'MOT' in Birmingham and were crossing the City of London by train at rush hour. Queue potential meltdown on a packed commuter train! I was steeling myself for just that when the train pulled in at London Bridge and the platform appeared beside the door we were standing up against. A wall of people soon formed all around William, close enough to be physically touching him. He protested and withdrew by hiding under his coat. Just before the doors closed, a man with a dog got on. I told William and immediately he came out from under his coat and started talking to the dog and his owner. By the time we'd reached East Croydon the poor man knew all about Oliver and all about every Thomas the Tank Engine character!

All of this is very exciting but it all depends on me training Oliver. First, I'll have to socialise him, house train him and teach him all the other puppy basics. After that, I can begin training him to become William's right hand dog. Apparently, this will involve me mimicking aspects of William's melt downs whilst training Oliver in how I want him to respond. All of this, I want to share with you in this blog. So, welcome to the world of clickers, worming tablets and a mum waving her arms around, screeching and running around in circles. If you know a bit about this already, please do get in touch. All advice welcome. If you don't well, pull up the chair and join me. It's going to be fun finding out together.